noblopomo. Day=w=atever .. Brain is working overtime...unspoken

I know I missed a day or two :( been busy. Two days ago my song would have been "my brain is working overtime". Now I am moving on to "Unspoken". I'm in undergrad school pursuing a dream( but at the same time I am a working professional with a masters in an unrelated field with a whole different set of cognitive demands). There is a method to my madness and I just have to be strong because I don't have full support from my spouse on this, he thinks its a joke and rather embarrassing. Married life is not easy and there are many compromises that need to be done to make things work. I have held back and waited long enough and just felt that it was time to put my foot down. It's hard not being able to do all the things I want as this is not just "my" life anymore. I have a husband, a child, a profession where people really need me, and many other responsibilities rather than just being student and focusing on my needs and desires. Right now I am strongly relating to the song "unspoken". Every word literally speaks to me to the point that I was going to print out the lyrics and place them on my husbands pillow last night ( I didn't...LOL...I don't think that would have been productive). Though lately more and more I feel like I am living a double life and its hard because I like to be me and I detest pretending I am something or someone I am not. Though for now I learned that I just need to continue working hard to be more sensitive to the needs of others around me and at the same time follow
my heart along the path that I strongly believe is right for me, even if it contradicts the former.Its a tough balance but needs to be done. Misery loves company and I can not allow myself to be miserable. Being unhappy will eventually spill off and affect those around me ( it has already) and I don't want to live with blame, anger, and resentment. On a final note, if you find a key to unlock happiness in your life to open the door to something that can give you meaning and purpose don't throw that key away...but at the same time don't shut out those that you love because at the end of the day they are your ultimate meaning and purpose. Sorry for rambling.. I'm glad I waited to write today because if it was last night it would have had a very different tone....think late night angry drunk post XD

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Comment by Natkat on November 9, 2013 at 5:09pm
Thanks for the support guys. I appreciate it :)
Comment by Danielle on November 9, 2013 at 3:55pm

Hi! I feel for you. You're right. Life isn't always easy and many people make compromises in their lives, in order to make things work. I'm sure you'll trust your intuition to make the right choices and go down the right path. Meanwhile, it's good to share with friends and to reflect.

Comment by Lisa on November 8, 2013 at 12:51pm

::hugs::  I admire you for finding a way to work toward your dream while also still thinking of the people who depend on you. Not easy!

Comment by Adrianadesiree Vega on November 8, 2013 at 12:32pm

its hard to make yourself happy and others happy at the same time. sometimes i feel like its impossible. 

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