WHICH MEMBER OF WEEZER...

...would win in a fight, battle royale style, between Rivers, Brian, Pat and Scott?

Also, who would be the first to cry?

Discuss.

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Permalink Reply by Weird Lad on October 14, 2010 at 4:37pm

That is the coolest thing I have heard in about 10 years.

Sovereign Andy said:

True story:
A few years ago I saw James Hetfield (of Metallica) pull a balisong (butterfly knife) on one of Weezer's roadie/bodyguards backstage in Charlotte (Atlanta maybe?). It was somewhere in the Southeast.
The bodyguard was standing there wetting himself as Hetfield is screaming 2 inches from his face about what he going to do with that knife. Total raving psychotic off his meds and out of the psych ward stuff.
Bell strolls over with his guitar strapped on because he JUST came offstage, calmly grabs the knife from Hetfield with the kind of dexterity only a lead guitarist that doesn't just play power chords has. He flips it closed in a masterful series of deft movements, glances at it, and then whacks Hetfield in the nose with it and coolly says "You shouldn't play with knives."
James grabs his nose and starts crying and Lars ushers him back to the room reserved for Metallica while muttering something about "ninja nerds" under his breath.
The roadie/bodyguard collapsed in a heap on the floor and just sat there shaking and crying while profusely thanking Brian for what surely had just saved him from being gutted like a catfish.
Brian dropped the knife in his lap and walked back into his dressing room without a word.

Everyone there was stunned speechless. Rivers came through the curtain right after that and seemed confused by how quiet and tense it was aside from the sobbing 350 lb man on the floor.

Brian is wicked fast and very dangerous.

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Permalink Reply by Andrew Brine on October 14, 2010 at 4:53pm

Rivers would win...brian would probably be the first to cry..just my opinion..scott and rivers will probably be even with each other..hes pretty beast..

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Permalink Reply by GalaxyDuster on October 14, 2010 at 8:41pm

It's a cool, crisp autumn day. The band has gotten together at an indescript LA studio for practice, and possibly recording.

However, running high on his new stage position as lead guitarist (and several chalupas), Pat challenges Rivers to a hefty guitar duel. The two begin to play - and play - and PLAY! Feeling left out, Brian joins in, sass-mastering his way quickly into second place. Scott, not to be outdone, tries to intercept with his low-end domination... and almost succeeds.

However, everyone has foolishly forgotten that Rivers possesses a super power - the "Face-Melting Guitar Solo".

Agitated by the group's pale attempt at domination, Rivers launches into the most beautiful guitar solo ever created - (YOU CANNOT FATHOM IT) - quickly ascending to exponential levels above the rest. As he reaches the precarious edge before the peak, Brian bursts into tears for the sheer beauty of what his ears are experiencing. Not to be out-classed, Pat and Scott give it their best - but then Rivers ascends again, into the "Ultimate Solo", and both of their faces literally MELT off, in a poof of smoke and flames.

Victory is achieved. Rivers helps Brian to his feet, and offers him both a kleenex and a chalupa.

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Permalink Reply by hintofcoolness on October 15, 2010 at 11:07am

Although it's been a while since Rivers has performed a face-melting guitar solo....hmmm....

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Permalink Reply by hintofcoolness on October 15, 2010 at 11:09am

I have a bridge to sell you.

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Permalink Reply by crystal iceburg on October 15, 2010 at 12:03pm

am i the only one who lol'd at scott's low-end domination? no? just me?

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Permalink Reply by hintofcoolness on October 15, 2010 at 1:47pm

Just you, but I AM laughing that Galaxy used the word "domination" twice, as I am feeling Freudian today.

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Permalink Reply by Henri Armanda on October 16, 2010 at 4:09am

I think between Pat or Scott since they had huge bodies compared to Brian or Rivers.
In other way around, Either Brian and Rivers would be the first to cry then.
But I'll go for Rivers.

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Permalink Reply by comicbookkiddo on October 17, 2010 at 3:47pm

Hmmmm... This is how I imagine this going down after the battle royale has started.
Rivers begins jumping up and down throwing a tantrum of sorts hoping to put down the others my rhyming irrelevant things, he cries first. Brian... well Rivers could take Brian. Pat wouldn't want to hurt Rivers because it's an unfair fight so it all comes down to Pat and Scott who fight tooth and nail with Pat ending up victorious, as usual.