http://soundcloud.com/laniswatkins/elizabeth-justin-toland

please listen to my very first fully mixed and mastered song. I have never recorded this quality before

very excited to see what people think especially fellow weezer fans. Feed back would be appreciated.

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you already spammed us with this song

naw

dude, do you really have to make a new thread whenever you make a song?

But anyway, I really liked it.  



There's alot of things "wrong" with this song so I don't know where to start.

The main thing that will stop you from getting anywhere with your music is that the song is one big

cliché. It's like a mixtape. You threw in some Weezer, Beach boys, Green day, Offspring, Ozma. Somewhere in that mess I wish I could hear YOU. Who are you? What are your feelings? What is your point? What do you want to say?

I don't have a frakking clue. Every single line in this song is taken from another song. 

I know it's a love song, but I just don't believe what you're singing.


The melody is fine. Not great, but fine. I'll give you that. 

Go home, re-write the lyrics and record them again.

This time avoid lines like: I love you so, hold your hand, be your man, etc.


I'll end it with a line from Rivers: Give me something I can believe.


Rust Lee 

This post was brutal as was the Rust Lee one.
Luigi-sp26 said:

It was not my intention to be brutal. At all.

I work as a songwriter and would have loved it if people actually told me the truth when I was starting out.

The things is, when you're young and just starting out writing songs, you tend to think your own stuff is gods gift to mankind. Why? Simply because you wrote it your self. Reality can be an evil b****. Trust me, I know. 

This song is not terrible. Not at all. Just highly unoriginal. To the point where it's boring. It's almost a parody. It sounds so Young-American-High school-Went to bible camp-Don't smoke-Am a virgin-Am afraid of beer-Please love me-Ps. I have asthma ds.

Just re-write the lyrics man. Give me something real.

It sounds just like Ozma.

Rust Lee, I do greatly appreciate your feedback and completely understand what you are saying, although i would like to point out that everyone derives from some sort of inspiration and I have a very few. I have plenty of original songs here www.reverbnation.com/almostawesome and www.ourstage.com/profile/almostawesome, all of the songs sound different. I wrote "Elizabeth" for my Fiancee as a cheesy love song.  I thank you for your cliche comment for I love all of those bands, although I have never heard Ozma, my current favorite band of all time though is fun. for sure. I hope to obtain a vocal range such as Nate's and also some influence from them as well. I try to mix a variety of influences to get my own sound. Hopefully I can post something in the future that is more pleasing to you though, lol.

-Justin

Good, in fact, really good, probably a lot better of a song than a lot of the people on this forum could come up with.

that's not really a selling point.

Chris S said:

Good, in fact, really good, probably a lot better of a song than a lot of the people on this forum could come up with.

Thank you Chris, I have another almost done I will post in about a week, hopefully it will seem more original, lol

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