"Ducks can fly?!!!"

Me: "Nope, that's why you never see a duck-hunter with a gun. They just run up to the duck and hit it over the head with a hammer."


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I know, it really can't be topped. /thread
You don't even wanna know........

my brother's girlfriend told him to go to the store to buy tampons.

he asked her if she wanted the kind with wings.


Story:   My son comes to me last night and tells me the back of his neck is hurting.  So I look at his neck and see what I think is a mole and it looks black.  I feel concerned and get my glasses for a closer look. Upon second examination I see...(EEEEK!)legs.  He is freaking out because he now realizes there is a parasite living on the back of his neck, and I am freaking out because there is a parasite living on the back of his neck.  My husband, the only calm one, assures me he can easily remove the tick, and proceeds to f*** that up.

 

I end up calling a good friend who tells me she she is a near expert at tick removal.  We take my son to her house and she seems to be doing a pretty good job until she pulls the tick out sans the head.  So a loved one who happened to be present says, "You know, if you don't get the head out, the tick will grow back."  We all started busting up, my son included, and looked at him like he was insane.  My son, who is 9, then tells the adult, " That kind of thing could only happen in a cartoon or something, not in real life."  Lol.

 

Luckily, my friend was able to remove the leftovers.   I was still a little freaked out about him getting Lyme disease or a couple of other nasty things you can get from ticks.  But after doing some research today, I'm feeling pretty confident he's going to be ok.

 

 

 

My son says so many hilarious things. Here are a few of my recent favorites:

 "Daddy, one day when I grow up I can be an astronaut but I will not have to go to Mars with the giant metal lizards, and you could be an astronaut already because you are already a grown up and then we can go to space in a space ship and land on planet Europe."

"Did you know that some people are jerks? Construction workers are."

"Some day I'm going to tell those cigaretters to stop cigaretting. And I will tell them, 'Cigarettes make people die so STOP cigaretting!'"

"I am presentable. Presentable means when you don't have anything on and it's cold in the room. I'm the presentable man!"
Words to live by.

suz{ANNE} said:
"I am presentable. Presentable means when you don't have anything on and it's cold in the room. I'm the presentable man!"
nothing beats this.

Miss Caitlin said:

my brother's girlfriend told him to go to the store to buy tampons.

he asked her if she wanted the kind with wings.

when i told my mum i was going to america in may

she looked at me and said

"i think i will live to see you buried" 

 

thats nice isnt it!

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