Puking drunk

Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong.

"I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me."

The other drunk says "do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned."

"Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.

When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says " look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket."

His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars.

"Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you," says the wife.

"He did," says the drunk.

"But he s*** in my pants too."

Tags: we got jokes

Views: 890

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

LOL I don't get it.
Let's lighten the mood and talk about abortion.
Funny... we just argued about that today in Sociology.

The new Euro language

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by z" and "w" by v

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali k** tru!

And God Created Woman
One fine morning in the Garden of Eden, God looked down upon Adam and noticed that he was looking glum. So the Lord said to Adam "What troubles you, my Son?"

Adam looked up to God ad said "I'm lonely, Father. I have no one to talk to."

So God said "Then I shall give you a companion, and she will cook and clean for you, and wash your clothes. She shall bear your children and never wake you in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will give you love and compassion whenever you want it. She will not nag at you, and will always be the first to admit she is wrong if you two ever disagree. She will love and support you no matter what, and always agree with any important decision you make. She shall be called a 'woman.'

Intrigued, Adam asked God "What shall this woman cost, Father?"

God replied "One arm and one leg, my son."

Adam pondered this question for a minute, and with the seriousness that only comes from complete certainty, he answered... "Hmm, what can I get for just a rib?"

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Which war did The Cookie Monster serve in?

You're right, this thread is a joke!

lqtm

AndBounce said:

You're right, this thread is a joke!

Don't stop Spaz.......I find this thread amusing

Tom Jones

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

Star Wars

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal.

Obi-Wan is deftly manipulating his chopsticks with the ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.

Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chop-sticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.

Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says,

"Use the FORKS, Luke."

Reply to Discussion

RSS

Weezer Bootlegs

SOCIAL

  • Weezer Links

Weezer Mailing List

Music

Loading…

© 2014   Created by Weezer.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

Offline

Live Video