Puking drunk

Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong.

"I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me."

The other drunk says "do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned."

"Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.

When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says " look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket."

His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars.

"Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you," says the wife.

"He did," says the drunk.

"But he s*** in my pants too."

Tags: we got jokes

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was "anybody?" the punchline?

Karrie Jean Hooten said:

What do you call the girl on a drummer's arm?
Anybody?

No, but I see now it can be taken that way. Poor phrasing on my part.

The girl on a drummer's arm? A tattoo.

 

How do you get a guitarist to slow down?

Put sheet music in front of him.



Not your friend, buddy! [spaz] said:

was "anybody?" the punchline?

Karrie Jean Hooten said:

What do you call the girl on a drummer's arm?
Anybody?

looks like the most appealing option atm......

A man goes into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila. The bartender looks on as the guy downs one after another. As he slams the 10th one, the bartender says, "I don’t think you should be drinking those so fast." "You would if you had what I have," the man says, throwing back number 11. "Well, what is it you have?" The man throws back his last shot and says, "Fifty cents."

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender approaches him and askes, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?" Descartes replies "I think not," and promptly vanishes.

A priest meets a drunk outside a bar. The drunk claims to be Jesus. The priest disagrees, the man insists. Finally, the priest says, "how can you prove it?" The man, says "come with me." They go inside the bar. The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, not you again."

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a h*** out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the h*** and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside the h*** and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

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